Bluff The Listener

Levi Kahn

            Hawaii Woman with 40-Character Surname Not Allowed License, Vote

Lokelani Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili, a young Hawaiian woman, was not issued a license or identification by the Kauai County government because of her 40-character surname. The county could not fit the woman’s full last name on a license card, much less her first name or middle initial. Deciding not to issue her any license or identification at all, Kauai County found itself a victim of its own indiscretion when Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili was pulled over for a routine traffic stop and was promptly taken to the town’s police station for driving without any form of license or identification, despite her protests that she was denied identification due to her lengthy surname. The county realized that they had denied license and ID because of the length of her surname, and Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili also claimed that she had been denied the right to vote for the same reason as her arrest: no form of license or identification. The indiscretion has since been corrected and Lokelani Khineuhanilahenualkiaklekiliamaenanelili is now a fully licensed, registered citizen of Kauai County, as well as an easily identifiable citizen thanks to her impressive last name.

           Company Sending Stuffed Animals on Vacation is Launched

A company in Tokyo is sending stuffed animals on vacation. The business is run by a 38 year old woman who feels that providing vacations for stuffed animals is therapeutic for people who can’t experience vacations for themselves. Apparently, clients who aren’t able to afford vacations or have disabilities are often relieved when they receive pictures of their plush toy in the center of Tokyo, or other landmarks. The best part is the cost of sending your stuffed animal around Japan is only about $50.